Deadspun

Wake up Deadspun! aka the first post of the day

2009-06-09T13:06:00.005-04:00

Let yourself get over the fact she is only 17 years old and just continue praying she does not get a breast reduction.
Simona Halep: the true triple-threat.

DUAN! aka the last post of the day

2009-06-09T03:49:00.005-04:00

With Tom Glavine still looking for a job, Freddy Garcia swooped in and signed with the White Sox.

Eat it, Atlanta baseball.

Tsk, tsk, Ozzie Guillen. TG has something to prove while Garcia is just looking to pad his bank account for a few marathon meals at Chicken Kitchen.

Look for Glavine to come out on top as the White Sox falter sooner rather than later and Glavine ends up chasing postseason immortality while John Smoltz curses his existence.

Somewhere Greg Maddux is rolling in his Atlanta Braves grave.

Thank for supporting Deadspun! Enjoy Matt and Kim.

Step aside Albert, Tiger is the real machine

2009-06-08T22:39:00.006-04:00

Mere hours after putting to bed any whispers of whether he's lost "it," Tiger Woods was back on the prowl.

Despite winning the Memorial Tournament on Sunday, Woods made a pit stop to play 18 holes at Bethpage Black to gear up for the U.S. Open.

So while you were busy stuffing your face with the latest oh-so-sinful offering at Starbucks, Woods was getting his driver on at one of the hardest courses in the game.

Hell, forget his amazing short game, how does he go an entire round of golf without wanting to stop and Richard Gere his wife?

Kudos goes out to ESPN for putting the Dwight Howard Vitamin Water commercial before the start of the Tiger video accompanying the article.

Haven't seen it? Wow, you're missing out on a true gem.

Clippers' reputation expanding faster than...

2009-06-08T17:20:00.007-04:00

Oh, Donald Sterling.

The Los Angeles Clippers organization's calling card stems from wowing NBA fans with their absurd business decisions and front office practices.

Speaking of practices, the Clippers held a public viewing for Oklahoma star Blake Griffin's workout in Los Angeles today.

Strangely, the Clippers have secured the number one overall pick and, well, Griffin is the consensus choice.

We're not quite sure why the Clippers would hold such an odd event other than to stir up buzz for what should prove to be an otherwise lackluster off-season.

Deadspin and friends have not yet offered any commentary on the topic and no word if legendary season ticket holder Bill Simmons was in attendance.

Because Shaq should never say no to Krispy Kreme

2009-06-08T16:43:00.001-04:00

Time for Barber to launch Tiki torch brand

2009-06-08T11:09:00.006-04:00

Shockingly, Daulerio decided to offer his two-cents about news of Tiki Barber's post-football demise.

Deadspin's editor-in-chief offers Barber a word of advice:

So the easiest way for Tiki to earn more airtime this season? Get fatter and less articulate.

Daulerio, of course, is speaking about Jerome Bettis -- described by one NBC executive (referenced by Daulerio) as a more affable fellow.

Hmm, that's interesting, especially since Bettis did not get his contract renewed by NBC and will now be seen on the NFL Network come September.

Seriously, how long do we have to wait before the picture surfaces of a morbidly-obese Barber slumped over at a dive bar managed by Daulerio in Brooklyn?

For now, keep hitting the refresh button on "TMZ."

"Would you beat me up...if I brought back Adam?"

2009-06-08T10:46:00.006-04:00

Oh Jerry.

You have to come to the realization that you are nothing more than a media whore.

Hell, why else would you be entertaining the thought of bringing back beleaguered cornerback Adam "Pacman" Jones?

Yet statistics offered in an ESPN report provide a fairly logical argument for resigning Jones:

However, in the Star-Telegram report, Jones said that Pacman Jones graded out as the Cowboys' best cornerback.

But sadly, Jerry must have forgotten this little gem:

Before coming to Dallas, Jones was arrested six times and involved in 12 instances requiring police intervention after Tennessee drafted him in the first round in 2005.

Make it rain, Jerry, make it rain.

Don't you miss this crew, Charles?

2009-06-08T09:23:00.001-04:00

Wake up Deadspun! aka the first post of the day

2009-06-08T09:09:00.005-04:00

Mr. "King Kong ain't got nuttin on me" should probably start thinking about making an upgrade in the wifey department.

DUAN! aka the last post of the day

2009-06-07T23:04:00.006-04:00

For Cavaliers fans, left devastated in the wake of the Eastern Conference Finals upset against the Orlando Magic, turning to the bottle will surely ease the pain.

The weapon of choice? A LeBomb James, of course.

According to Sports Illustrated's Hot Clicks section, the shot requires:

...a shot of Crown Royal (for King James), some Red Bull and three packs of Splenda. Drop the shot of Crown in the Red Bull, chug it, dump Splenda in your hands, and 'baby powder throw' it into the air like LBJ. It's an instant hit with the bar patrons.

Gator City, a famed University of Florida drinking establishment, swaps Red Bull with Sprite and includes a touch of grenadine in the Crown Royal for coloring.

Hey, Hey LBJ! How many shots did you drink today?

"Kobe, you ever smoke weed with Phil?"

2009-06-07T21:52:00.004-04:00

Brett Favre: 1969 - 2008

2009-06-07T21:26:00.005-04:00

With word revealing Brett Favre's decision to undergo surgery to repair his partially torn biceps tendon, Packers fans have officially announced the death of their former hero.

Dubbed "MOURN4.com," the site informs visitors:

We have a simple dream. A dream where Packer fans across the nation turn black to mourn #4 turning Purple and Gold. Regardless of why it’s happening, it’s just plain wrong. And it makes us very sad.

From armbands to even a car bumper magnet, MOURN4 wants the world to know at least one member of the Packer Nation has some serious beef with Jet, err Brett Favre.

Luckily, the site does offer one redeeming quality: four percent of all proceeds will be donated to help fund breast cancer research.

No word on whether black #4 Snuggies have gone to production yet.

Readers definitely don't get their vitamins

2009-06-07T20:25:00.007-04:00

With riveting features such as "Why Your Stadium Sucks" and entire days in which intern Ben Cohen runs the show (a Dukie, nonetheless), Deadspin is nothing more than the Cookie Crisps of complete, balanced journalistic breakfasts.

The gem of the past week? Ripping on stud announcer Jon Miller for his disdain toward blogs.

Instead of offering any semblance of original content, Daulerio and friends have fallen into the comfort zone of raining a hate parade on anything and everything not up to snuff.

Simply put, more than a paragraph or two on ANYTHING would be much appreciated.

Oh where, oh where has my Will Leitch gone? Oh where, oh where could he be?

"Nobody move or the porno guy gets it"

2009-06-07T20:12:00.003-04:00

I before E except after Leitch

2009-06-07T19:58:00.005-04:00

Poor A.J. Daulerio.

Less than a year after taking over for Deadspin demigod Will Leitch, Daulerio has managed to successfully alienate the lifeblood of any blog -- the readers.

With a Hitler-esque reign over what comments can be posted on Deadspin, the once anti-ESPN entity now stinks of eau de corporate.

Can we say Gawker?