June 9, 2009

Wake up Deadspun! aka the first post of the day

Let yourself get over the fact she is only 17 years old and just continue praying she does not get a breast reduction.
Simona Halep: the true triple-threat.

DUAN! aka the last post of the day

With Tom Glavine still looking for a job, Freddy Garcia swooped in and signed with the White Sox.

Eat it, Atlanta baseball.

Tsk, tsk, Ozzie Guillen. TG has something to prove while Garcia is just looking to pad his bank account for a few marathon meals at Chicken Kitchen.

Look for Glavine to come out on top as the White Sox falter sooner rather than later and Glavine ends up chasing postseason immortality while John Smoltz curses his existence.

Somewhere Greg Maddux is rolling in his Atlanta Braves grave.

Thank for supporting Deadspun! Enjoy Matt and Kim.

June 8, 2009

Step aside Albert, Tiger is the real machine

Mere hours after putting to bed any whispers of whether he's lost "it," Tiger Woods was back on the prowl.

Despite winning the Memorial Tournament on Sunday, Woods made a pit stop to play 18 holes at Bethpage Black to gear up for the U.S. Open.

So while you were busy stuffing your face with the latest oh-so-sinful offering at Starbucks, Woods was getting his driver on at one of the hardest courses in the game.

Hell, forget his amazing short game, how does he go an entire round of golf without wanting to stop and Richard Gere his wife?

Kudos goes out to ESPN for putting the Dwight Howard Vitamin Water commercial before the start of the Tiger video accompanying the article.

Haven't seen it? Wow, you're missing out on a true gem.

Clippers' reputation expanding faster than...

Oh, Donald Sterling.

The Los Angeles Clippers organization's calling card stems from wowing NBA fans with their absurd business decisions and front office practices.

Speaking of practices, the Clippers held a public viewing for Oklahoma star Blake Griffin's workout in Los Angeles today.

Strangely, the Clippers have secured the number one overall pick and, well, Griffin is the consensus choice.

We're not quite sure why the Clippers would hold such an odd event other than to stir up buzz for what should prove to be an otherwise lackluster off-season.

Deadspin and friends have not yet offered any commentary on the topic and no word if legendary season ticket holder Bill Simmons was in attendance.

Because Shaq should never say no to Krispy Kreme

Time for Barber to launch Tiki torch brand

Shockingly, Daulerio decided to offer his two-cents about news of Tiki Barber's post-football demise.

Deadspin's editor-in-chief offers Barber a word of advice:

So the easiest way for Tiki to earn more airtime this season? Get fatter and less articulate.

Daulerio, of course, is speaking about Jerome Bettis -- described by one NBC executive (referenced by Daulerio) as a more affable fellow.

Hmm, that's interesting, especially since Bettis did not get his contract renewed by NBC and will now be seen on the NFL Network come September.

Seriously, how long do we have to wait before the picture surfaces of a morbidly-obese Barber slumped over at a dive bar managed by Daulerio in Brooklyn?

For now, keep hitting the refresh button on "TMZ."

"Would you beat me up...if I brought back Adam?"

Oh Jerry.

You have to come to the realization that you are nothing more than a media whore.

Hell, why else would you be entertaining the thought of bringing back beleaguered cornerback Adam "Pacman" Jones?

Yet statistics offered in an ESPN report provide a fairly logical argument for resigning Jones:

However, in the Star-Telegram report, Jones said that Pacman Jones graded out as the Cowboys' best cornerback.

But sadly, Jerry must have forgotten this little gem:

Before coming to Dallas, Jones was arrested six times and involved in 12 instances requiring police intervention after Tennessee drafted him in the first round in 2005.

Make it rain, Jerry, make it rain.